I'm In It to Win It!

August 5, 2006

Many people get married for the wrong reasons. My grandparents were married 62 years before my grandfather went home to be with the Lord. One of the things that my grandmother told me about marriage was that both people would have to learn to endure. ^“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up…. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Cor. 13:6,8 NKJV).

Sergeant First Class Sam R. Haynes and Lela Bell Taylor (my grandparents) were married at a courthouse on Valentine’s Day. It is important for married couples to realize that they are God’s perfect gift for each other, and the intention that God has for them is to not compete, but to complete each other.[1] The day that we buried my grandfather, I heard my pastor tell my grandmother something that has had a lasting impression on me and the way I feel about marriage. He told my grandmother that God is going to bless her because she did not put him in the nursing home but stayed right by his side till his last day. Even in writing this, I want to shed a tear just reminiscing on what they taught me about marriage. Truth be told, they did not verbally speak to me a lesson about being married. The lessons they taught on marriage were their actions they displayed each day.

No marriage is perfect, and if you are looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, forget about it! They do not exist! The only one that is right is Jesus! We all fall short of the glory of God, lets get that in our mind!

I remember the day that I saw my wife. It was a Sunday afternoon, and I saw her pushing a stroller up a hill in the apartment complex that we lived in. At that time, when I saw her, she did peak my attention, but what I said next, I would not have ever said before. I said, “Lord if it was meant to be, then You will open that door.” I was not going to chase after her, I was just going to let Him bring her to me. The next day I was sitting in the hot tube at the apartment complex facilities alone and guess who I saw coming through the door pushing a stroller in it with a baby girl!

My wife and I have been married for 19 years (wooo! To God be the glory!). We have come through a lot together and a part. We laughed and had great times, and we cried and been frustrated with each other. But remember that endurance that my grandmother talked about? Remember the Scripture from 1 Corinthians? How can we learn to endure, when we have no storms to teach us how to endure?

Pre-marriage counseling should be one of the priorities for couples who plan on being marriage, and marriage counseling should be a practice for couples that want to strengthen their marriages. My wife and I have learned a lot about each other, and about being married. I believe that we both have this statement that is buried into our thinking and reaction to marriage.

We are both in it to win it!

[1] Philip Henry, Lori Figueroa, David Miller, “The Christian Therapist’s Notebook,” (New York NY, Routledge, 2007).